Women...this one is for you!

Women...don't be THAT woman. That woman who won't let go of her ex even when it's clear this guy is not into you, he's your ex for a reason. You are better than that. You're not with him, and hounding him just makes you look crazy. It makes you look unstable. I get it, you love him, or rather you think you love him.

I've had two instances in my dating life of meeting men, dating them and then a while into their ex somehow finds a way to contact me (one through text and the other through Facebook) to berate me about being with their man. Listen, your man was on a dating site, you're his ex, calling me a fat whore won't solve the problems you have with him. I'm not your punching bag, I value myself way more than you apparently value yourself.

I woke up to a text message from one of these women where she used her ex's phone to berate him (calling him a loser, etc) and calling me names because he was once with me.

Women like that make well-adjusted women look bad to men. You need to place more value on yourself and move on and away from the men that aren't into you.

The 4th Date

The following is a guest posting by { Sabine }.


After one good lunch date and two great dinner dates with a guy I agreed to a movie night over at his place.
The night started out right. He let me pick out the movie, made sure I was comfortable and was nothing but sweet and considerate. As soon as we settled in and started the movie his phone rang. It was his ex calling and he said it was about time to say goodnight to his son, no problem. He took the call and came back a few minutes later. I asked how his son was and before he could answer his phone went off again. It was his ex. Her picture and name showed up on his phone, he didn't try to hide it or anything, hit decline and we went on watching the movie. Then it rang again, and again, and again. He excused himself and took the next call in the kitchen. Roughly 5 minutes later he came back and said "sorry, hopefully she won't call back". I say "no problem, do you need to turn your phone off?", just a tad bit annoyed at this point. He says no and we continue to watch the movie.

Within 2 minutes his phone goes off again. He hits decline several more times then decides to take one of the incessant calls and gives me the shush sign. I hear her yelling, can't make out what she is saying but he keeps repeating "who would be over here?, why would you even say that?". I look at him like he has just lost his mind, get up and use the restroom. When I get back he doesn't get a second to try and apologize before the phone rings again. He answers his phone and says "hold on a sec" to the "ex" that was calling yet again and turned to me to say "can you grab your purse and coat and go in the kitchen? She just Facetimed me, I am going to show her the room, she doesn't believe I am alone". Now, I would love to say I said "sure, no problem" with a big smile on my face and then said quite loudly "when are you coming back to bed baby" as I walked out the door and he continued his call...but the reality is I had a dumbfounded look on my face, said nothing, grabbed my things off the chair next to the couch and walked through the kitchen and out the side door. I got into my car and drove home trying to figure out WTF just happened.
Yes, he called a few minutes later and sent texts asking where I went...decline, decline. Ignore, Ignore.

{Sabine}

So, now I'm racist?

I'm not 100% sure how that works...I say no thank you and his immediate response is to label it because of his skin color.

Conversation is as follows:

Him: Hi my name is XXXXXX I like to get to know you better and take you on a take let me know.
Me: I appreciate the offer but I will have to decline. Thank you.
Him: Whiy (sic) cause I am black

Clearly I did not respond further but come on...that's the go to? No the reason I CHOOSE to decline your offer is that I don't feel we would be a good match. What's my reasoning (not that I EVER need one)? Well let's take a peek at his profile and identify the items in the 'No' column.

No
He's 48. I am not like other women that find much older men attractive. I am not looking to hook up with someone 13 years older than me.
He's a Baptist...it's not the Baptist part, it's the religion part - I'm out!
His horrible grammar, spelling and egregious use of the caps lock in his profile.

1. I LIKE TO TRAVEL AND ENJOY LIFE 2. AND LIKE TO GO FISH AND TO THE MOVIE 3. I LIKE TO LISTEN TO R N B MUSIC AND FIND ME A WIFE 4. I AM EASY TO GET ALONE WITH LIKE TO HAVE FUN TOO 5. MY GOAL IS TO BE HAPPY AND ENJOY LIFE.

I LIKE TO TAKE U TO A NICE DINNER AND TALK AND GO DANCE

The only positive things I got from his profile were that he likes to make lists (regardless that it's a poorly created list) and he wants to be happy & enjoy life. I'm sorry but these positives aren't enough to warrant further attention from me... call me picky but if my mind shuts down while reading a small paragraph about you, there's something between us that just won't work. Seriously though, who can resist "FIND ME A WIFE"? I can!

So no sir, it has nothing to do with you being black, white or alien...it has to do with my inability to intentionally suffer!

The lying liar who lies!

As I write this I am in the midst of ditching this lying liar who lies and below I will tell you why...

So he seems nice enough. Self described as a Southern gentleman, come on who doesn't like a gentleman Southern or not! After nearly two weeks of texting and talking on the phone we finally meet. He ended up leaving his phone at my house one day and I checked his texts (more on why later). What did I come across? Text messages between him and his "ex". The topic of the text messages were sexual, including pictures and plans for hooking up...OH and the text messages happened during the time we were having our own texting conversations and making plans to meet up. Some of the messages with his "ex" even included her questioning him about what he was telling the new women he was meeting about whether he was divorced or not... yeah that's right, he's NOT divorced as he says he is, he's separated and by separated apparently based on these text messages not separated very by very much! In one particular text they had a discussion of her coming over to his house for a hook up (a very graphic description was included)...the day of their planned hook up he told me "the ex is coming over to drop off her dogs so that I can watch them while she's out of town, but she won't be here very long" (the little snippet there at the end is the first red flag that popped up). In addition to the texts with his "ex" he also mentioned her visit with him to his father (stay classy!)

So I thought about what I had read and I was sick to my stomach all morning. Then I asked him a few questions...
Me: when was your divorce finalized? (remember he says he's divorced)
Him: It's not final yet but it will be soon (Lie).

Me: when was the last time you were with your "ex"? (told me he was divorced almost a year ago)
Him: sexually? it's been months (LIE)...

Him: Baby (ugh!) where are all these questions coming from?
Me: Seems odd to me that after 12 years of marriage you're so quick to be done and moved on (he's already told me he loves me *shudder*)
Me:  What I am saying is that if you're with me, then you're not with anyone else.
Him: Baby. I am yours. I am completely and totally yours. I have not and will not be with anyone other than you.  I assume I will recieve the same level of devotion? (WTF? Who says that?) Baby (grr) I was checked out of the marriage for a while now, for the first time in my life, I'm ready to live my life fully (Lying Liar Who LIES!) Baby (internal vomit!) "Just have faith in me that when I show/tell you how you make me feel, that it is genuine. Frivolity and asskissing aren't really things that I value very highly. When I tell you I love you... its because I feel it and I want to say it. If i tell you that I think you are amazingly beautiful, believe it because I would not lie. <3" (LIES LIES LIES)
Me: Because if you lie to me...I won't even bother cutting you, it's just over. I don't go back!
Him: I don't lie. (OBVIOUSLY a lie!)
Me: I have a fabulous BS meter...I can tell when people are lying. (Notice how many fucking times I give this moron a chance to come clean??)
Him:  My integrity is paramount to me! (Fuck You!)

So men, the moral of the story is..don't fucking lie, 9 times out of 10 it's usually worse than what you're lying about!

Back to the part where I was going to explain why I was looking at his phone. He told me 2 things that gave me red flags nearly instantaneously! 1. When he told me the "ex" was coming over he said (unprompted) she's not staying long. (Um?) 2. When he sent me an IM asking me to turn his phone off so it won't "bother me" while I am working because it rings a lot. All sounds so deceptive!

This was a dating fail ....perhaps there will be a win some time soon?

There’s direct and then there’s ‘smack you in the face’! (NSFW)

There’s direct and then there’s ‘smack you in the face’! (NSFW)

Often times I get very direct men contacting me, sometimes I get passive men and then there are the times when I get ‘smack you in the face direct’ men!

Case in point, today I was contacted by “Muffdiver6988” (I will have to do another post on the ID’s these men choose another time!). These are the messages Mr. Muffdiver has sent to me – I have not responded to any of them! (Of course the spelling and grammar mistakes are all his!):

• Day 1 “Good morning gorgious would yoy like to chat I love a woman with meat on her bones more fir me to snuggle and cuddle with if you would like to chat let me know”
• Day 2 (the very next day) “Would you like to chat and get to know each other to see how it goes”
• Day 3 (3 days later) “Hello sexy goddess would you like to chat and,see how it goes”

So you’re probably thinking that he’s just trying to be nice and maybe he is really trying to get to know you. Typically the grammar and spelling would make me run, but in his case it’s not too bad, compared to what I normally see. What really makes me cringe is his profile … let’s get into it shall we?

His reason for being on this dating site: Intimate Encounter (strike 1!)

His interests: friends with benefits then maybe sex sex sex (strike 2!)

His description of himself and what he likes: “my hobbies are any thing out doors sports, i also love older women and bbw I also enjoy giveing sensual full body massages. 5ft 7 shaved bald head 15 tats both nipples peirced 2 rings in each ear i really love eating women out too if interested i would love to hear from all you sexy women” … And there you have it! Strike 3, you’re out! 

Men, what is wrong with you? Why do you present yourself like this? Women, generally, don’t like to be slapped in the face with raunchiness! Now if you’re in a relationship with a woman and you’re discussing mutual desires, by all means, lay out your wishes. But not in the very first paragraph that is introducing you to a woman. I’d like to add, don’t write your profile as though you’re talking to multiple women, and write it as though you’re only talking to one. It gives the impression that you’re just out there to get whatever comes along … which I suppose in this example, he probably is!

Persistence in the face of rejection …

I am sure you’ve probably come across people in your life who are persistent. In the dating world this can be kind of a scary prospect. They’ve seen your photo and know basic information about you but they don’t take no for an answer. Thankfully I’ve only come across one person like this … he is annoyingly persistent and I am most forthcoming with my harsh rejection, but he still keeps coming!

First, he has the most dreaded of profiles: He’s married and he’s only looking for an ‘intimate encounter’ … he wants to cheat on his wife. Every month or so he sends me a message and it’s worded as though he’s contacting me for the very first time. He usually starts with … “Hi, my name is Ken and I am looking for a lover.” Then he usually tosses in a gem like, “Would you like to meet today for some iced tea or perhaps some love making?” Well, I am so thankful I have the options!!

The first time he messaged me I ignored him, after vomiting a bit in my mouth! Then he sent another the next week, something equally as gross. Finally I started responding to him with comments that were as harsh as I could muster for a stranger; “Why can’t you leave me alone?” and “How do you not realize you keep sending me the same messages?” It’s been quiet for almost a month now…he’s probably due to message me again any day now! 

Persistence in the face of obvious rejection is my least favorite encounter while online dating!

-Nameless Online Dater

The beginning...

I've officially been single since 2007. In 2010 I decided that since I rarely get out I will try online dating sites to meet men. In 2012 I decided I should blog about it. I have two main reasons for beginning this blog. First, it's stunning to see the things that men say to women they don't know. You would think that with the space to type something out and it not being a face to face connection they would be able to come with better material but they don't. Second, men need serious help when presenting themselves in their online profile. The poor grammar and spelling are only the beginning of the mess! Example: "Hi im a reguler man who loves to pay attention to you, i give 110% to our relatioship just want to meet someone the only gd thing is my eye color"

So that is where I stand today...I hope to post weekly or at the very least whenever I spot anything crazy.

Stay tuned!