Women...this one is for you!

Women...don't be THAT woman. That woman who won't let go of her ex even when it's clear this guy is not into you, he's your ex for a reason. You are better than that. You're not with him, and hounding him just makes you look crazy. It makes you look unstable. I get it, you love him, or rather you think you love him.

I've had two instances in my dating life of meeting men, dating them and then a while into their ex somehow finds a way to contact me (one through text and the other through Facebook) to berate me about being with their man. Listen, your man was on a dating site, you're his ex, calling me a fat whore won't solve the problems you have with him. I'm not your punching bag, I value myself way more than you apparently value yourself.

I woke up to a text message from one of these women where she used her ex's phone to berate him (calling him a loser, etc) and calling me names because he was once with me.

Women like that make well-adjusted women look bad to men. You need to place more value on yourself and move on and away from the men that aren't into you.

I Crossed The Street When I Saw Crazy Coming!

It was a simple comment that started this meeting... "nice pics". It started innocent enough. He was polite, flattering, overall gentle and calm. We chatted through the dating site and then I felt comfortable enough to move the conversation to texting. It didn't take long after that for him to have a total mental melt down. I've saved the texts as a visual reminder of when the crazy appeared...I will skip ahead to the conversation where it gets good. Just some background. I was going to head to the beach (where he lives) and we could meet up and have lunch.

Note: All spelling errors from him are accurate...and it gets worse toward the end, my apologies, it was just as hard for me to transcribe as it was for me to read!

We had been flirting a bit through text but he started to get the impression that we were going to have sex if I met up with him at the beach.

Me: You'd better calm yourself down before tomorrow. lol
Him: No I'm just going to play with myself a bunch of times so I will not be horny.
Me: Yeah, I've had to do that before.
Him: Well I guess I have 2.
Him: We've been flirting so much.
Me: Ha! Yeah I guess we have.
Him: It's hard on a guy.
(An alarm went off in my head with that response as to me it says something about him possibly having a hard time controlling himself)
Me: I will stop.
Him: Oh well I'm a man I'll deal with it like a man hey very respectful man.
Him: Yeah that's a good idea because I desire you a lot now.
Me: No problem.So talk to me about your plans for the future. (sincerely trying to change the subject and eliminate flirting)
Him: :(
Me: Focus on something else, pretend you're just someone I met on the street.
Him: Ok I don't know about my future right now, um I don't know where I'm going I'm just getting over losing a family business.
Him: 1 second I'm going to play with myself. I'm in a bad mood I just want to try to feel better. Good night I hope you sleep good. It feels like you just kind of left me hanging. :(
Me: Sorry I dozed off.
Him: Make sure you call me tomorrow before you take off over here please. (Um this seemed a smidge intrusive - I don't answer to anyone. I leave when I want, I don't have to call anyone.)

The conversation above lasted until almost 2 am, I was long since asleep when he sent that final comment. At this point I had no red flags appearing, only pink ones. (Pink flags are ones that I collect in my head and evaluate later when I have more information.)

When I woke up the next morning my response to his last comment was:
Me: Lol ok. I don't plan to leave until 10 or 11 am.
Him: I woke up here I'm just sitting here hard as a rock. lol (Ugh)
Me: lol
Him: Good thing I got manners. I would have sent you a picture and said good morning.
Me: You're going to be one track focused today aren't you?
Him: You don't have to worry about that cause I'm going to take care of that.
Me: Lol
Him: Because if I feel like this I'm not going to be around you. I bet you don't think that's funny. (I still have no clue what the fuck this even means!)
Me: If you feel you aren't going to be able to control yourself then it's probably best.
Note: At this point is where I can reflect back and say the wheels were coming off the bus.
Him: I can totally control myself you have been flirting with me and I've been flirting with you. I'm sorry ok I'm very sorry I just it's a weird feeling Kind of like being rejected. I never was gonna hold you to anything but you just stop everything. We could just plan it for another day but I'm very very upset.
Note: I'd like to refer back to where he said 'Yeah that's a good idea' to my comment of stopping the flirting. Did he not remember we'd had this conversation?
Me: I'm not sure why you're upset. I say just relax. I have no problem flirting with you but you're responding to me as if sex is all that's going to be on your mind. I don't want to feed into that for you. I'm not tripping about it.
Him: It's in your hands whatever you want to do um I'll be here.
Note: So can anyone else see that his expectation was that we were going to have sex but that now I was having second thoughts? Reading his words again that's the impression I get from him.
Me: Yeah I know. I live by one motto in life. I do what I want.
Him: Know what I really like that model I'm going to start using it to you. (?? I didn't understand his comment and he didn't know how to clearly explain it so there's a little bit off gibberish from him and basically he meant that he was going to start using that motto as well)

.....
Me: Do you worry a lot about what people think of you?
Note: I don't stress about what people think of me. I do what I want, if you want to come along then yeah, if not oh well.
Him: I could care less what people think of me But when I have a girlfriend I want her to think good as me I want her to know the truth of me the other people don't know the truth.
Note: Looking back on this comment now it screams that he may have the need to have someone to 'believe' him. Which tells me he may be less than truthful in general...yeah more to come)

....more gibberish about him caring for people around him and he's hurt or whatever he's saying.

Him: When you decide what you are going to do will you please let me know.
Me: Decide what?
Him: Decide if you will come to the beach today or what you think is best.
Me: Of course I'm coming, I want some clam chowder for lunch.
Him: Ok I'll be here
Him: I'm just going to double up on my medication today and I'll be extra mellow and everything will be cool. (???? - ugh)
Me: What is your medication?
Him: I don't know how to spell it.
Me: What is it for?
Him: Oh and good health me feel real good. And then I don't think it was upsetting me. (Dafuq?)
Me: Ok. Why are you feeling rejected?
He said it was because I stopped flirting and would now change the subject but he sent it to me via voice message and not text.
Me: The reason I change the subject is you told me that the flirting was charging you up. Aside from that anyone I'm in a relationship with I have to know that I can have a conversation with them without flirting.
Him: You're perfectly safe with me now because I am totally turned off and I didn't come 1 time since last night. (....no words to...safe? really?)
Me: Let's just chill. It's just meeting a new person.

.....
Him: (included in this message was a picture of his erect junk - thankfully with pants on) Amanda it got hard again.
Me: lol I didn't say anything to flirt with you
Him: Sorry I should have kept it to myself (...and commence MELTDOWN)
Me: lol ok
Him: Ill tex I later :(
Me: Huh?
Him: I apologize and u Tex BK Ok lol. I just can't believe that you really think it's funny. I'll text you in a little bit I'm gonna go hand out at a friends house.
Me: I'm laughing at why you think it's necessary to apologize. You seem to be stressing out over tiny little things. You go enjoy your day. I'm going to put gas in my car and head to the coast for clam chowder. If you can break yourself from whatever mood you're in let me know.
.... Here it comes...

Him: You know what whatever because you know what you tease the hell out of me. So whatever happens at this point I don't give a shit.
Me: Yeah Ok. So you probably need to work out some issues. Lets just call it that and you have a fabulous day.
Him: The only issues I have are with you. You really hurt my feelings because you turn me on for 3 days (it's only been 2) you made me feel really wanted I didn't need this with all the other stuff I have going on in my life. Now I'm really now I'm relly up set because you think I have issues I have to go workout. If it makes you feel better to believe that that's on you. But you've lived the last 3 days (again, only 2) with me you know what's been going on you know in your heart the truth. U really hurt my feelings. That's fine do not text me back okay then shut my phone off for the whole dating that's why you're going to be (????? Um...hello, mental health line...)

Me: You need to get over whatever the hell you're talking about. Just because I may flirt with you doesn't mean we're dating or I owe you anything. Just reading your text messages I can see you're having a meltdown. It's ok just go have a peaceful day. I don't do passive aggressive relationships of any kind. And because I don't text you back immediately is none of your business. I'm busy at the moment.

Him: Are tell me we are done (Is the grammar and spelling getting on anyone else's nerves?)
Me: There never was a 'we'. We barely started talking 2 days ago. This is why I stopped flirting with you so much. You're way too far into something that's not there. You don't know me, I don't know you.
Him: (another voice message...blah blah blah.)
Him: I'm really really sorry do you forgive me (anyone picking up bi-polar at this point?)
Him: (another voice message...blah sorry blah)
Me: There's nothing to forgive just let it go.
Him: Do you want to come and have lunch in that's it as friends.
Me: I don't think so. You've had two mood swings just based on your text messages and it's not something I necessarily want to be around.
Him: Ok I understand. Take care :( 

..... a bit later...
Him: You have no idea what a good person I am loving and caring. I'll be waiting for your texts so we can eat lunch come eat lunch with me it's in a public spot. (This is a very worrisome comment!)
Me: I'm sure you are. You need to relax. I'm going to be driving and I'm not going to text you while I'm driving.
Him: Ok my phone will be charging it's done (yeah..I know)
(yeah...meltdown again coming in 3, 2, 1...)

Now at this time I'd already made it to my destination. I already know that I am NEVER going to meet this clown in person. I'm going to get my clam chowder and get the fuck away from anywhere he could see me. So picture this I'm standing in line at the restaurant. It's a popular place so the line goes around the outside of the building. I'm on high alert looking for him. I've got myself covered up in a hoodie sweatshirt, sunglasses and a hat. I look nothing like any picture I have online. I do however know what he looks like. I'm nearing the entry to the building and I spot him across the street. He didn't see me. He was looking around though. I immediately text my friend (the one I tell everything to) just so in case something did happen she'd have all the details too. I made it into the restaurant and even gave them my middle name so they didn't shout my real name over the loud speaker in case he was getting nearer to the building.

As soon as I scooped up my order I got ready to leave. I pulled my hood over my head to make it less obvious what I looked like and I headed out. I started walking up the street to my car and something made me cross the street in the middle and not at the cross walk like I normally would. And sure enough as soon as I got to the other side of the street I noticed he was walking down the side of the street I just left. I just ducked my head, weaved in and out of the people walking down the street and high tailed it back to my car and I was out of there!! ....And then his texts came, and they turned into a tirade...

Him: You could at least tell me if you're coming or not I've been worried about you. It is out of my hand now you're an independent woman. You get flat tire in 3 punks pull over to help lets. See how independent u are. You could have said fuck you I'm not going there. And then I would know you're okay. I'm hungry and I even been waiting to eat with you.
....I finished my lunch and my relaxing time on the beach before I responded.
Me: I'm fine. Thank you for your concern. I already picked up my chowder and left.
... more melting down...
Him: Thanks for texting me back. That was very rude. I never thought you would do that. Just plan on being single the rest you like it no guys going to put up with that shit. Or maybe you're a dike. I hope you feel good adout what u did. Because I'm putting your phone number online for guys to be calling you. Lol. You fucked me over real good and I don't forget. Lol I know your first and last name and your town. I will meet you  face to face and tell you what a piece of shit you are. God dam that hurt my feels. What made u do that Why You can even tell me that I'm a piece of shit or something in that you don't want nothing to do with me I'm going to feel like shit for days and you don't even care

Note: In this time he also left me two voice mails where he wondered why I couldn't just break it off with him 'professionally'.

Approximately one hour later....
Him: I know you don't give a shit. But Juliana go tot he hotel room and I feel much better now so you don't have to worry about me (this was sent with a picture of him with some woman - and now I'm really curious as to why he has a hotel room when he told me he was living with his sister LOL)

I'm totally laughing at this point because his melt down is totally overly dramatic and delusional.

And finally...
Him: Hope u made it home. B honest you have mental problems. You or tell me okay when this is why that what you know what I don't need it. ( No clue what this says or means)
Him: You're so weak you can even talk to me and towel he it just didn't work out this is yet but you know what I don't need that.

Thankfully my phone has been quiet today. I dodged a huge issue with this freak fest by NOT meeting with him. Good gravy!!!

Consistently consistent

Perhaps I should be thrilled that my 'rack' is loved? Perhaps, except he's making the same comment on the same picture. Where is the originality? At first sure it was funny, not charming, not appealing, but somewhat funny.

Is that the best that I should expect? Are my expectations too high?

The 4th Date

The following is a guest posting by { Sabine }.


After one good lunch date and two great dinner dates with a guy I agreed to a movie night over at his place.
The night started out right. He let me pick out the movie, made sure I was comfortable and was nothing but sweet and considerate. As soon as we settled in and started the movie his phone rang. It was his ex calling and he said it was about time to say goodnight to his son, no problem. He took the call and came back a few minutes later. I asked how his son was and before he could answer his phone went off again. It was his ex. Her picture and name showed up on his phone, he didn't try to hide it or anything, hit decline and we went on watching the movie. Then it rang again, and again, and again. He excused himself and took the next call in the kitchen. Roughly 5 minutes later he came back and said "sorry, hopefully she won't call back". I say "no problem, do you need to turn your phone off?", just a tad bit annoyed at this point. He says no and we continue to watch the movie.

Within 2 minutes his phone goes off again. He hits decline several more times then decides to take one of the incessant calls and gives me the shush sign. I hear her yelling, can't make out what she is saying but he keeps repeating "who would be over here?, why would you even say that?". I look at him like he has just lost his mind, get up and use the restroom. When I get back he doesn't get a second to try and apologize before the phone rings again. He answers his phone and says "hold on a sec" to the "ex" that was calling yet again and turned to me to say "can you grab your purse and coat and go in the kitchen? She just Facetimed me, I am going to show her the room, she doesn't believe I am alone". Now, I would love to say I said "sure, no problem" with a big smile on my face and then said quite loudly "when are you coming back to bed baby" as I walked out the door and he continued his call...but the reality is I had a dumbfounded look on my face, said nothing, grabbed my things off the chair next to the couch and walked through the kitchen and out the side door. I got into my car and drove home trying to figure out WTF just happened.
Yes, he called a few minutes later and sent texts asking where I went...decline, decline. Ignore, Ignore.

{Sabine}

I'm bored so you must call me!

Verbatim conversation from tonight:

Him: Hello
Me: Hello there
Him: How are you tonight
Me: Quite well. How are you?
Him: Great thanks
Me: :)
Him: Wat r you up to tonight
Me: Well, it's kind of late so I'm in bed watching TV. You?
Him: same. Bored. I live in Visalia too.
Me: Yeah I really like it here.
Him: I am bored
Me: Ok
Him: Call me 559 xxx-xxxx
Me: Thank you but no
Him: Fine be bored

Really? This is the absolute first time I've ever said anything to this person and in less than 5 minutes he's giving me his number to call him?? Lunacy!

And what's with the 'fine be bored' crap?!

Totally based on feedback...

I've been seeing comments about always finding the worst men and that I sound like I hate men. I wanted to say I hear what you're saying and I think a bit more information is in order to show the entire picture.

I do not hate men. What I hate is lazy, obnoxious, arrogant or lame jerks. Those are the ones I choose to profile on this blog because it's way more interesting than the calm quiet times I have with someone funny at Applebee's (yes, that actually happened and I had a marvelous time and I still enjoy this person today). I love men. I enjoy the conversations I've had, any intimate contact I've had. I've learned a lot about being a woman, about being an adult, about being a friend, about being sexual from some really fantastic men.

I've been able to learn so much about myself in the past 5 years of being single all thanks to my own determination and some amazing guys I've met along the way. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm thriving in my 30s because of it.

With that said, I do come across men that need serious help in life, love and overall as a human. Granted I never once thought my blog would be able to help these men directly but I kind of felt if I got that vibe into the universe it would eventually trickle to those that need it the most. So while they come off has really bad folks, they really just need help and this is the only way I can think of to get them the help they need. Really altruistic right? At the base of the blog, that's what I hope for, but of course my sarcasm takes over and I really just let it out there!

So that's it for tonight, I just wanted to make sure people knew that yes, I've met some incredible men and yes I love men. I just profile the looniest of the ones I come across.

Get YOUR life in order BEFORE you try to engage MY life!

Recently I've met a few interesting people through my online dating escapades. (Escapades? Not sure why I chose that term, it makes me feel as though I should have on ice skates!)

Two of the people I've met had common threads -- multiple children and a crazy ex! I do not have a problem dating someone that has kids as long as they're a responsible parent that has focus on their kids. I actually quite like that. I don't even mind if their ex is crazy. It starts to derail when your ex still plays an active role in your life in a capacity unrelated to the children you share.

Case in point: I recently started talking to someone that seemed interesting in the beginning but the more I talked to him the more I could see the impending doom from his ex.

1. He was very insecure in conversation and stated that his ex used to hit him and tell him he was worthless. I can be a very motivating person but I don't think I'm capable of rebuilding the self esteem of a grown man. He also has severe self esteem issues when it comes to his appearance. If you can't see it in yourself then it's not likely someone else will be able to see it for you!
2. He said that his ex was a "crack whore". Yes, those are his exact words. He told me that he has 3 children and the youngest was 9 months old. He said that she had the baby after they separated and that it was likely a child by her drug dealer. I know what you're thinking, Amanda this is a MASSIVE red flag and you should have ran at that moment. Here is my logic...I thought well perhaps he's just taking total responsibility for keeping all of the siblings together and since she has no parental control it's OK because she can't be bothersome! See...that's extremely logical!

OK can you see where this is leading? This next part REALLY triggered the holy hell signal for me.
I got a text from him that said "Did you talk to my ex today?" ...after literally laughing out loud, I replied with, why the hell would I? He asked me if I got phone calls from an Unknown or Blocked number. Well yes I did, 4 of them, back to back earlier in the day. He proceeded to tell me that his ex broke into his house, got his phone and started interrogating him about who he was talking to, his online dating profile, she got my number and then started calling him and harassing him at work. And there you have it...she's CRAZY and she's got too much involvement in his life.

After he told me about all this drama, he asked when we'd be able to meet. *Do What Now?* I told him that I wasn't about to give him any other identifiers that his ex could possibly get her mitts on! The last thing I need is some loony chick breaking into my house or coming near my child.

Thankfully he understood where I was coming from on this topic because he actually told me he was going to cut off conversation with me so that she wouldn't be able to get near me.

Clearly the lesson is, if your ex is crazy and all up in your life then you're not actually free to be with other people. Get your shit in order before you involve other folks!

First Date Nightmares...

I am sure that practically everyone out there has had a first date at some point in their life. I'm looking for people to share their first date nightmares. I will start with my own.

I met someone online (of course) and everything about him screamed that he was a sad person. His profile was so depressing, but talking to him it was quite obvious that he was quite the opposite. So I went to his house to pick him up for the date. Ordinarily you'd think that would be part of the nightmare, but I am a woman of the 21st century, to me there's no rules about that sort of thing. The nightmare began when I showed up on his doorstep... allow me to paint this picture:
His jeans were dirty, dark denim and they were way too long for him so the edges were tattered around his feet due to him dragging them on the ground when he walked. He had no shoes on. His shirt was dirty. He was sweating profusely. There was an overflowing ashtray at the doorstep. (It belonged to his mother!) There was an overwhelming stench coming from inside the house...the overwhelming smell of urine! As I stepped into the house (don't ask me why) he said to me, watch out there's bananas smashed into the carpet. The house was totally dark except for the TV so I couldn't see a banana if I tried. Let's just say I lied through my damn teeth, turned around and walked out! Good times!

So now it's your turn...share your nightmares! If you care to remain anonymous feel free to message me your story and I will share it for you.

Enjoy!

See that line right there...you just crossed it!

The following is the evolution of a conversation I had this morning with, I guess, a potential suitor. Well, at the time it was potential but it soured really quickly. And really thinking back on the conversation, 'potential' was used generously. What I have also been able to confirm is that being direct with someone really is the ONLY way to go...beating around the bush is ridiculous!

Here is the back ground... I have an app on my phone that makes my status on the site appear that I am 'online' even if I am not.

The conversation was as follows (verbatim):

Him: Hello..why you up so late..Rxxxxx (12:07 am)
Me: Nope not up late...the app on my phone was the one awake. :) (8:27 am)

• Allow me to interject here with this - I try not to be rude to anyone that would take the time and energy to say hello...except for those occasions where they are beyond offensive to my senses!

Him: Well good morning to you...its not so bad here today is it...I'm Rxxxxx
Me: Good morning...nope not bad at all. I'm Amanda. Where are you located?

• I asked this of him because his profile says he's in Oregon. He's way too far away from me.

Him: I'm here in Fresno loading for now...then I take this juice to Fontana and straight back k up here...my phone services are from Oregon but I spend a majority of my time here in California...glad to meet you Amanda.

• So now I have basically already concluded that this will be going no further. I am not looking to find someone that isn't local. I don't want a once a week/month kind of relationship.

Me: Nice to meet you as well. It's nice in the morning but it's going to get hot later. Oregon is beautiful.

•  See...I'm already being too damn nice! I should have nipped this one in the bud but nooooo I'm accommodating this conversation way beyond where it should go!

Him: I got tired of living and being alone so I give up my apartment and decided to do this...can't tell you how many times I've spent days in Visalia at the target...I'm sure you know where that is

•  First, I am assuming he meant that he was tired of living alone and not just that he was tired of living! Also, creepy to think that the next time I go to Target this guy could be there spending his days!

 Me: Yep. I do. Visalia isn't that big.
Him: No it's not...you still single on this site...

• The conversation changes are coming too quickly for me...it's starting to get on my nerves!

Me: I am. Do you run across many women on here that aren't single? (ugh! why do I encourage conversation?)
Him: I don't get many looking at my profile...i always have to Search nd notify...and haven't met any but I'm sure there are some that like men as well aren't so up front and honest...and bye the way I'll be headed back that way...are you a coffee drinker

• Hello...non sequitur anyone? And...thanks for the warning that you're 'headed back that way'! I'll be sure to avoid Target!

Me: (time to break it down now!) I do drink coffee, typically only in the morning. I get a lot looking at my profile just none really meeting my needs. It's ok though, I just keep looking.

•  Personally I think that was obvious enough to say and you aren't one of those that met my needs move on...but noooooo! He's about to enlighten me!

Him: Needs are what...people have to understand looking and searching is always going to be hard if they are too set in their ways...I drive a truck but I'm not part of the stereo typing that I get a lot of.

• Allow me to translate... I believe he's saying if you're too set in your ways you're going to have a hard time finding someone new. And I think he's saying that people have stereotypes about truck drivers but that's not him.

Me: (now I'm a bit more irked because I don't like being told what I do and don't want/need etc - I know me better than anyone else!) I'm ok with my needs. My daughter is my first priority so if someone doesn't meed a certain standard they can't be brought into my life. It's really that simple. (i.e. Fuck you and fuck off!)
Him: That's the way its suppose to be...i have boys...have to accept the kids more then the woman lol...

• I don't fucking know what his response means!

Me: Makes sense :) (yeah so that was a lie, but really me saying Shut the fuck up would just be rude!)
Him: (and begin creepy now...)I see you live in an apartment...at least from the pictures...what you doing today...let me guess shopping and anything but working...lol

• How do you spell it...C R E E P Y!!!
• The line about shopping made me want to choke the fucking life out of him. What kind of prick asshole says something so condescending like that?? AND to use poor grammar to do so!!

Me: I don't live in an apartment and I am working today.
Him: Sorry they look like apartments...I was trying to be observative...which a lady should like..its being taken notice of... lol

• Listen...I can only tolerate so much chauvinism. I am unable at this point to tell if his intent is to sound like a total fucking douche or if he's just an oblivious little man when it comes to women. I should be thrilled that he was observative about where he thinks I live? I suppose that if he just showed up at my door I should welcome him in too because well he did take time out of his days at Target to visit me.

Me: Those are apartments they're just across the street, not mine. (Hello - it's obvious in the pictures that there's a road in between me and the apartments!)
Him: I bet you haven't even looked at my pics...have you...lol (are we playing a game? ugh why didn't I end this conversation before it started!)
Me: I looked at your entire profile. I'm sorry but I have a meeting starting and I have to focus. (only slightly less direct than I should have been at the get go!)
Him: OK...have fun...if your interested chat back when you have time...be good and always smile (fuck off!)
Him: Would you like my number (fuck no!)
Me: No, but thank you.

And END SCENE!

Are you serious with your craziness? Note to self...when you see crazy coming, cut that shit off immediately!

So, now I'm racist?

I'm not 100% sure how that works...I say no thank you and his immediate response is to label it because of his skin color.

Conversation is as follows:

Him: Hi my name is XXXXXX I like to get to know you better and take you on a take let me know.
Me: I appreciate the offer but I will have to decline. Thank you.
Him: Whiy (sic) cause I am black

Clearly I did not respond further but come on...that's the go to? No the reason I CHOOSE to decline your offer is that I don't feel we would be a good match. What's my reasoning (not that I EVER need one)? Well let's take a peek at his profile and identify the items in the 'No' column.

No
He's 48. I am not like other women that find much older men attractive. I am not looking to hook up with someone 13 years older than me.
He's a Baptist...it's not the Baptist part, it's the religion part - I'm out!
His horrible grammar, spelling and egregious use of the caps lock in his profile.

1. I LIKE TO TRAVEL AND ENJOY LIFE 2. AND LIKE TO GO FISH AND TO THE MOVIE 3. I LIKE TO LISTEN TO R N B MUSIC AND FIND ME A WIFE 4. I AM EASY TO GET ALONE WITH LIKE TO HAVE FUN TOO 5. MY GOAL IS TO BE HAPPY AND ENJOY LIFE.

I LIKE TO TAKE U TO A NICE DINNER AND TALK AND GO DANCE

The only positive things I got from his profile were that he likes to make lists (regardless that it's a poorly created list) and he wants to be happy & enjoy life. I'm sorry but these positives aren't enough to warrant further attention from me... call me picky but if my mind shuts down while reading a small paragraph about you, there's something between us that just won't work. Seriously though, who can resist "FIND ME A WIFE"? I can!

So no sir, it has nothing to do with you being black, white or alien...it has to do with my inability to intentionally suffer!

The lying liar who lies!

As I write this I am in the midst of ditching this lying liar who lies and below I will tell you why...

So he seems nice enough. Self described as a Southern gentleman, come on who doesn't like a gentleman Southern or not! After nearly two weeks of texting and talking on the phone we finally meet. He ended up leaving his phone at my house one day and I checked his texts (more on why later). What did I come across? Text messages between him and his "ex". The topic of the text messages were sexual, including pictures and plans for hooking up...OH and the text messages happened during the time we were having our own texting conversations and making plans to meet up. Some of the messages with his "ex" even included her questioning him about what he was telling the new women he was meeting about whether he was divorced or not... yeah that's right, he's NOT divorced as he says he is, he's separated and by separated apparently based on these text messages not separated very by very much! In one particular text they had a discussion of her coming over to his house for a hook up (a very graphic description was included)...the day of their planned hook up he told me "the ex is coming over to drop off her dogs so that I can watch them while she's out of town, but she won't be here very long" (the little snippet there at the end is the first red flag that popped up). In addition to the texts with his "ex" he also mentioned her visit with him to his father (stay classy!)

So I thought about what I had read and I was sick to my stomach all morning. Then I asked him a few questions...
Me: when was your divorce finalized? (remember he says he's divorced)
Him: It's not final yet but it will be soon (Lie).

Me: when was the last time you were with your "ex"? (told me he was divorced almost a year ago)
Him: sexually? it's been months (LIE)...

Him: Baby (ugh!) where are all these questions coming from?
Me: Seems odd to me that after 12 years of marriage you're so quick to be done and moved on (he's already told me he loves me *shudder*)
Me:  What I am saying is that if you're with me, then you're not with anyone else.
Him: Baby. I am yours. I am completely and totally yours. I have not and will not be with anyone other than you.  I assume I will recieve the same level of devotion? (WTF? Who says that?) Baby (grr) I was checked out of the marriage for a while now, for the first time in my life, I'm ready to live my life fully (Lying Liar Who LIES!) Baby (internal vomit!) "Just have faith in me that when I show/tell you how you make me feel, that it is genuine. Frivolity and asskissing aren't really things that I value very highly. When I tell you I love you... its because I feel it and I want to say it. If i tell you that I think you are amazingly beautiful, believe it because I would not lie. <3" (LIES LIES LIES)
Me: Because if you lie to me...I won't even bother cutting you, it's just over. I don't go back!
Him: I don't lie. (OBVIOUSLY a lie!)
Me: I have a fabulous BS meter...I can tell when people are lying. (Notice how many fucking times I give this moron a chance to come clean??)
Him:  My integrity is paramount to me! (Fuck You!)

So men, the moral of the story is..don't fucking lie, 9 times out of 10 it's usually worse than what you're lying about!

Back to the part where I was going to explain why I was looking at his phone. He told me 2 things that gave me red flags nearly instantaneously! 1. When he told me the "ex" was coming over he said (unprompted) she's not staying long. (Um?) 2. When he sent me an IM asking me to turn his phone off so it won't "bother me" while I am working because it rings a lot. All sounds so deceptive!

This was a dating fail ....perhaps there will be a win some time soon?

Telling it like it is...

It's not common that I find a dating profile that stands out with content. Typically men say the same thing over and over again (and yes I am sure women do the same thing). Tonight however I came across a profile that really knocked my socks off...not because the guy was something incredible, far from it, it was because the guy was about as out there as you can be...I am going to post his profile verbatim, you've been warned! ID: maximuswarmack4523 Headline: "isn't a Pimp Mr Right for a Hooker" (yes, that's actually what it said) Profession: Counselor/Teacher About Me: "I am a Polygamist, as most men are, the only difference is that I am Completely Honest, the only people I lie to are my Parents and the police, lying makes me feel like a coward... (I am not sure how he's justified his contradiction here) I am the type of guy that will hold the door for any woman, regardless of age or attractiveness. I am rather dominating, but real low key unless I'm in the comfort of family and close friends...I am well read, intelligent and can speak with business associates in a meeting room or in an alley counseling thugs in their venacular...I am well rounded being from the streets but educated, hard working and quite sincere. I don't do the jiving with anyone. I love people, animals and especially children. I'm generally positive and outgoing but have NO problem putting someone in their place. I come from a poor background but do not consider myself one of the 99 percent. I am opening my own business, writing a book and coaching high school sports. I can cook and clean as well as any woman, but am all man, believe in taking care of those that take care of me, making it a mutually beneficial thing has enhanced all of my relationships which have been maintained from my early youth to today. I don't lose real friends and am mostly corial with most of my exes and there are a lot of them. I don't have time for negative people, especially women. I love beautiful eyes, smiles and outgoing personalities. I love to laugh and can usually find humor at a funeral. I love God and people who fear and believe in him... I declared myself a polygamist over 15 years ago and have exclusively dated bisexual women for the past 15 years. I have dated women of all races, ethnicities, socio-economis status, political and religious backgrounds. I do love dark hair, legs and pretty feet. I don't like a bunch of make-up. I love natural beauty. My fiance pictured is bisexual female who lived as a lesbian for over 10 years, this is my first committed relationship and I would never cheat so don't ask. We are now engaged and expecting a baby in a few months, we seek someone to start off as friends first to see if a chemistry can be built, we are not looking for anything casual...I have had enough sex to last several men, several lifetimes and am only seeking a sincere relationship, not looking to be one of your side shows. so no married, involved or engaged women looking to play out a fantasy." Anyone else confused by this ENTIRE profile and all it's contradictions!? He lives in San Jose so parents be aware!!!

Attack of the texting dater...

Men, please be serious when you write a dating profile. Grammar and spelling don't have to be perfect (who remembers all of the rules anyway) but come on let's try to get it as close as humanly possible. Don't replace letters with numbers and don't type using text speak. It only serves to make you look unintelligent!

Below is an example I came across tonight:

i like 2 g02 m0vies, play cards, read b00ks, hang 0ut with family and friends. i like all kinds of music. i want a lady that d0sent cheat i hate 2 be cheated 0n i d0nt cheat. i like 2 g0 hiking, play in the 0cean. i want a lady that likes 2 have and g0 0ut 0r likes 2 have a quit eveing at h0me.

There’s direct and then there’s ‘smack you in the face’! (NSFW)

There’s direct and then there’s ‘smack you in the face’! (NSFW)

Often times I get very direct men contacting me, sometimes I get passive men and then there are the times when I get ‘smack you in the face direct’ men!

Case in point, today I was contacted by “Muffdiver6988” (I will have to do another post on the ID’s these men choose another time!). These are the messages Mr. Muffdiver has sent to me – I have not responded to any of them! (Of course the spelling and grammar mistakes are all his!):

• Day 1 “Good morning gorgious would yoy like to chat I love a woman with meat on her bones more fir me to snuggle and cuddle with if you would like to chat let me know”
• Day 2 (the very next day) “Would you like to chat and get to know each other to see how it goes”
• Day 3 (3 days later) “Hello sexy goddess would you like to chat and,see how it goes”

So you’re probably thinking that he’s just trying to be nice and maybe he is really trying to get to know you. Typically the grammar and spelling would make me run, but in his case it’s not too bad, compared to what I normally see. What really makes me cringe is his profile … let’s get into it shall we?

His reason for being on this dating site: Intimate Encounter (strike 1!)

His interests: friends with benefits then maybe sex sex sex (strike 2!)

His description of himself and what he likes: “my hobbies are any thing out doors sports, i also love older women and bbw I also enjoy giveing sensual full body massages. 5ft 7 shaved bald head 15 tats both nipples peirced 2 rings in each ear i really love eating women out too if interested i would love to hear from all you sexy women” … And there you have it! Strike 3, you’re out! 

Men, what is wrong with you? Why do you present yourself like this? Women, generally, don’t like to be slapped in the face with raunchiness! Now if you’re in a relationship with a woman and you’re discussing mutual desires, by all means, lay out your wishes. But not in the very first paragraph that is introducing you to a woman. I’d like to add, don’t write your profile as though you’re talking to multiple women, and write it as though you’re only talking to one. It gives the impression that you’re just out there to get whatever comes along … which I suppose in this example, he probably is!

Persistence in the face of rejection …

I am sure you’ve probably come across people in your life who are persistent. In the dating world this can be kind of a scary prospect. They’ve seen your photo and know basic information about you but they don’t take no for an answer. Thankfully I’ve only come across one person like this … he is annoyingly persistent and I am most forthcoming with my harsh rejection, but he still keeps coming!

First, he has the most dreaded of profiles: He’s married and he’s only looking for an ‘intimate encounter’ … he wants to cheat on his wife. Every month or so he sends me a message and it’s worded as though he’s contacting me for the very first time. He usually starts with … “Hi, my name is Ken and I am looking for a lover.” Then he usually tosses in a gem like, “Would you like to meet today for some iced tea or perhaps some love making?” Well, I am so thankful I have the options!!

The first time he messaged me I ignored him, after vomiting a bit in my mouth! Then he sent another the next week, something equally as gross. Finally I started responding to him with comments that were as harsh as I could muster for a stranger; “Why can’t you leave me alone?” and “How do you not realize you keep sending me the same messages?” It’s been quiet for almost a month now…he’s probably due to message me again any day now! 

Persistence in the face of obvious rejection is my least favorite encounter while online dating!

-Nameless Online Dater

The beginning...

I've officially been single since 2007. In 2010 I decided that since I rarely get out I will try online dating sites to meet men. In 2012 I decided I should blog about it. I have two main reasons for beginning this blog. First, it's stunning to see the things that men say to women they don't know. You would think that with the space to type something out and it not being a face to face connection they would be able to come with better material but they don't. Second, men need serious help when presenting themselves in their online profile. The poor grammar and spelling are only the beginning of the mess! Example: "Hi im a reguler man who loves to pay attention to you, i give 110% to our relatioship just want to meet someone the only gd thing is my eye color"

So that is where I stand today...I hope to post weekly or at the very least whenever I spot anything crazy.

Stay tuned!